:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
