I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
