So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
