Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
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