This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize