Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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