i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
