I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Randomize
