you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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