never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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