I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Can you repeat that, but with context?
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
