The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
