what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
