MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
