Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
