you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize