then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
