I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
