We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
