shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
