I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
