i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
