you would pick up someone in the library
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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