fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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