It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
