Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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