It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
