SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
how drunk are you?
Several
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
