Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Randomize
