Duck Duck Cougar?
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
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