How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
We don't watch enough power rangers
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
