i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
