i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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