I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
