suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
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