So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
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