The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
