why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
