Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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