she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
He called his prostate his "boner button".
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
