I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Watching her eat just hurts me
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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