I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I just threw up on my dentist
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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