Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
