I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
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