i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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