if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
