and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Randomize
