im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Randomize
