Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
