just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
