I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Randomize
