epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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