i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
