I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize