his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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