I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
