i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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