don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Randomize
