I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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