people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
