Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Randomize
