and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
