my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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